What hurts the Most Song Flick
by Flightf
Summary: A short inspired by the Song WHat Hurts the Most


**Author: Feather (Flightf)**

**Warnings: I am not sure if there are any spoilers here but I will warn you anyway. All the way through Twelve Sharp**

**Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns the characters….I will return everything when I am finished. The song belongs to Jeffery Steele, Steve Robson, and Rascal Flatts**

**Rating (K-M) M (for language)**

**A/N: I usually don't write song flicks but this one won't leave me alone…So here goes nothin'**

**MagnificentSin…..I salute you! Thanks for being my second set of eyes. I really appreciate your tough love J**

Inspired by the song "_What Hurts The Most_" by Rascal Flatts. 

The rain hitting my shoulders was leaving stinging sensations all over my body; I welcomed the pain because I was actually feeling something for the first time since I opened this morning's paper and read the headlines.

_Bombshell Bounty Hunter Married in a Private ceremony in Jamaica_

It took me 30 minutes to convince myself to read the rest of the article and face the official wedding photo that I knew I would see if I unfolded the paper. I took a deep breath to calm the burning sensation in my stomach and started to read.

_The Bombshell Bounty hunter Stephanie Plum was married yesterday in a private ceremony on the beach in Jamaica. The ceremony was a keep a secret through careful planning, not even her parents knew about the plans until they were told to pack, according to a friend of the family. Stephanie married security expert Carlos Manoso …_

The moment had come when I needed to unfold the paper if I wanted to read what came next, I flipped my paper over and I instantly dropped it like it was on fire. There was a huge 5x7 photo staring at me. Even though the picture was black and white you could tell that it was taken at sunset. I tired to focus on Stephanie; she was wearing a strapless gown that looked like it was made for her. It flowed perfectly against her body. Her left hand was holding up her dress with a large diamond sparkling, her toes peeking out from the bottom of the dress. It took me minutes- hell maybe hours - to find the nerve to raise my eyes to her face. I had never seen so much love coming out of a person. She was slightly turned to her right her eyes shinning with tears and a smile that could direct ships away from shore even in the deepest fog. Her right hand was joined with his and you could tell that he was pulling her closer to his body. On the bastard's face was a huge smile, I couldn't take anymore. The bile rising in my throat sent me running to the bathroom.

After a quick shower I pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and I walked out the door. I knew that I couldn't go into the station today; I wasn't ready to face all the faces filled with pity. I climbed into my SUV and I drove straight out of Trenton.

As the day went on and my mood and the sky became darker, somewhere in Pennsylvania the skies finally opened up and began to beat on the roof of the car. Finally where I was sure that no one would know who I was, I pulled off the interstate into a small town. So here I was now heading into the Holiday Inn rain pelting me.

After securing myself a room for the night, I headed straight for the bar. I made a beeline to a table in the back corner of the room. I sat down and almost immediately a young blonde started my way.

"Hiya Handsome, what can I get you?" She asked with a sweet smile

I handed her my room key, asked for a bottle of JD and a shot glass.

She lifted her eyebrows and told me that she'd be right back. She sat the bottle and glass on the table and said, "I know that this isn't any of my business but I have been there and let me give you a free piece of advice. Whatever you are trying to drink away will still be there in the morning."

Before I could say anything she turned on her heel and walked away.

I flipped the shot glass over and filled it to the brim with pure Tennessee whiskey. I picked the shot glass up and tossed the amber liquid down my throat. I needed a plan to get myself through this. Tomorrow I had to face Trenton. _Tomorrow I had to face reality_. I needed a strategy, but tonight sitting in the darkened corner trying to drink the memories away was a plan, the plan that I was going with right now. As I was pouring myself my third glass, I heard the first notes of the jukebox. The music was slow and then the words penetrated through the haze of alcohol.

_I can take the rain  
On the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then  
And I just let 'em out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again  
I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_It's hard to deal with the pain  
Of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile  
When I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away  
All the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_Oooo, Oooo, Oooo_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_Not seein' that lovin' you  
That's what I was trying to do  
Oooo, Oooo, Oooo –_

My eyes finally unleashed the tears that had been threatening to fall all day. They slowly ran down my cheeks while I let the song wash over me. I filled my glass but this time I left the amber liquid sitting on the table. Staring at the glass I let myself relive the past six months. The first time I walked into the Police Station after the fight. That day I covered the pain with a joke about sending _him_ a case of _Mallox_ because that was the only guarantee where Stephanie Plum was concerned. The first time I walked into Pino's and the room went silent. My eyes quickly found Stephanie and _him_ in the corner. Stephanie was leaning across the table feeding _him _a bread stick covered in marina sauce. Some sauce must have dripped off because the next thing I saw was Stephanie's little finger swiping something off of _his _chin and liking her finger. I had to make myself turn away and walk to the guys who were luckily sitting at the other end of Pinos. Every night putting the key into my door sent a knife straight to my gut knowing that I would never come home and find Stephanie on the other side of the door.

The final good bye happened on the other side of that door. There was no yelling, no hand gestures. Just a quiet, "I love you but I can't live in limbo anymore. I can't handle the role in your life that you need. I can't be my mother or your mother for that matter, I am not even sure I want to be anyone's mother "

I tried to explain to her that I loved her. That I loved her the only way that I knew how, all I wanted was her to be safe. With a sad smile and tears making her blue eyes bright, she blew me a final kiss and walked away from me. I wanted to chase after her, stop her, tell her that I was sorry that I would change but I knew that she had already made her decision and there was nothing I could do to change it. When the pain became almost blinding I finally lifted the glass.

So here I was in the middle of Pennsylvania hiding in the dark corner or a Holiday Inn bar saying goodbye to what could have been. Watching my dreams for our life die with every drink. Realizing that while all I wanted to do was love her, it just wasn't enough.


End file.
